Category: Uncategorized
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My Beloved
I wrote this some time ago. I had a dream, a disturbing dream and I needed to capture it. ***************************** She wore a simple white sleeping dress. A shift is what they used to call it in the books she used to read. She does not read much anymore. That may not matter to you…
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Of frogs and princes
You cannot turn a frog into a prince. Or vice versa. Once upon a time a girl met a boy. The girl was ripped and torn in certain ways, mostly because she was stubborn and at the same time on her own. She was angry because of that and had something to prove. So the…
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The second time, borrowed & owed.
That is how much time I have stolen from my daughter. I have stolen 8 years, 1 month, and 7 days of the time that is rightfully hers. I am very, very good at living in my head, which means living in denial. So to see the black and white of the calculations took my…
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Shortie on shame
I think that many people have intimate lives that are free of shame. Not free of regret or longing or pleasure or heartbreak. But free of shame. I don’t have that. I have a complicated, or not so complicated but unsavory relationship with intimacy. It can be wonderful. And at the same time it can…
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Unspeakable
Talking about my daughter is something I don’t do. I have shaped the people around me with my silence. If you want to get along with me don’t mention certain things or I will shut you out. Silence and distance are my weapons of choice. Who are they to provoke the wave of feelings that…
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Fragments (The parts don’t make the whole) Pt. III
When things are uncomfortable I go for distraction. I shift my thoughts to something else, something benign and meaningless. I’ve been doing this so long that I am almost unaware when it happens. It’s like little lapses in memory. I look up and find myself doing something with no real reason for doing it. I’ll…
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Fragments (The parts don’t make the whole) Pt. II
“You have no right to do wrong“ A nurse told me the truth. She told me without knowing me, without knowing my situation outside of my Dad’s rapidly failing health. She felt inspired to speak to me, the authentic me. She talked of God and fear and joy. She talked of ways to die with…
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Fragments (The parts don’t make the whole) Pt. 1
Shit. So let’s dive in. If you’ve ever been touched as a kid, exposed as a kid, viewed as a sexual object as a kid then you’re likely in one of two camps. In the first, you’re an avowed sexual ascetic. You’re conservative and perhaps sexually avoidant. You move with an abundance of caution and…
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A picture is worth…
“And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin.” Quran, 17:31 It would seem like this a Roe v Wade inspired post. But I’ve been wrestling with abortion since I had one 25 years ago. Yes, 25 years ago…
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the Family business
Doesn’t seem like the time to write about this but here I am. Writing about a culture of irrationality. I call it intergenerational trauma but its also intergenerational abuse. One begets the other. I come from a family with sexual secrets. A great-great grandmother who ran a brothel in the red light district of Cincinnati;…
The Marvelous Blues 