This blog is to track my journey as I sort through the messes that I’ve made in my life and the problems that I run from. A gay ex-husband who I just won’t let go, an abortion that has haunted me for decades, struggling with sexual identity and even sexual morality from a really young age, struggling with being a parent, a connected and good one instead of one who abandoned her oldest child. These are significant issues – things that threaten everything that matters and make everything not matter at the same time. I’ve spent over a decade (and probably longer) blaming everyone else for my shit. I’m done with that.

Thank you, Solo. You brought me here and told me to grow up. To face my demons. And to be the woman who you believed me to be. You held my hand for way longer than you should have. And you showed me what it means to be loved.

Who am I? I’ll call myself Zora, after my favorite author. I’m a mother of 4. A professor of things. A sometimes creative. And an emotional wreck. I described myself pretty accurately years ago – I just didn’t realize I was talking about myself.

I like to write. It’s therapy and creativity wrapped in one. I searched through my writings, short stories and essays, I found this character sketch. As things go, I’m typical because I’m only writing about myself. Here I am in a nutshell:

“Her main problem is that she’s gonna do what she wants, when she wants. And she doesn’t stop to think about how it makes other people feel or whether or not someone will be hurt.  She doesn’t apologize for herself.  Doesn’t do anything really.  She doesn’t accept how much she hurt him, how she’s hurt her mother, how she’s distanced herself from her best friend.  She blames everyone else and thinks that people are always judging her.  Not seeing the real her.  But she won’t let them.  But she’ll learn.  One way or another, she’ll learn.”